Emotions surrounding abortion vary greatly. Regret, relief, sadness, confusion, anger, hurt - even happiness. The list could go on and on, but the most important thing to remember is that every single one is valid. Maybe you feel one at a time. Maybe you feel relief first, and regret fifteen years later. Maybe you find peace after five years of sadness. Maybe you feel everything at once.
So what do you do? On one side, people are adamant about most people feeling relief. On the other, they drill regret and depression. Take a moment and forget the sides. Knock down that damn barrier that keeps you from fully wrapping your mind around your feelings. Forget the debates (no matter how polite they are), forget the fake sympathy that sounds so sticky sweet from those who pretend to care, and forget the cruel words that attack your personal decision. Focus on you and your needs.
Perhaps your needs include a nice cup of Irish breakfast tea (Mint? Earl Grey? Green?) and a hot bath. Or maybe you need a good book and a snuggle with your puppy. Maybe a good Lifetime movie and a long cry will help everything.
Or maybe your needs include a talk with your best friend. Your mother. Your sweet old horse that taught you to always get back in the saddle. Or even yourself - that long blog post lifted such a heavy weight from your shoulders!
But maybe you need more help. Maybe you need to speak with someone who doesn’t know you. Maybe you need spiritual healing. Maybe you just want to talk to someone - anyone - who will listen and leave their personal feelings behind.
So where do you go? And how do you know if a place is safe - how do you know they won’t judge you?
After some personal research, I’ve compiled a list of safe places and unsafe places. This list comes from looking at the websites and their wording and follower recommendations.
What is Safe:
- Exhale - (1-866-4-394253) - Available in multiple languages (English, Spanish, Cantonese, Mandarin, and Vietnamese). Talkline is open Monday-Friday 5:00-10:00 PM Pacific Time, and Saturday-Sunday 12-10 PM Pacific Time. If you live outside the United States, you can call (510-446-7977)
- Connect and Breathe - (1-866-647-1764) - Listening Line is open Tuesdays 6pm-9pm EST, Thursdays 6pm-9pm EST, and Saturdays 10am-2pm EST
- Faith Aloud - (1-888-717-5010) - This is a nonjudgmental religious (Roman Catholic, Jewish, Unitarian-Universalist, Protestant Christian, and Buddhist) hotline. You will have to call ahead to set up an appointment. Tell the person who answers that you would like to set up an appointment with a counselor. They will take a little bit of information and then select a counselor who would be a good fit for you. They will have the counselor call you at the time of your choice. If you receive the voicemail when you call, just leave a first name and number and say that you want to speak with a counselor.
- Backline - (888.493.0092) - Offers pre- and post-decision counseling and resources.
What is Not Safe:
- Project Rachel - Many Project Rachel centers have websites, and almost all of them shame those who have had an abortion on the first page. (The one in Atlanta, for example, has the photo of a man with the sign “Abortion Kills Children” as their header). The main website also claims that they do not cater to those who felt relief after their abortion.
- Rachel’s Vineyard - This extremely rude and snarky answer in their FAQ raised red flags for me.This is not a safe place.
- Pro-Life America - Uses the fear tactic that there is a relation between abortion and breast cancer.
- Option Line - This name is extremely misleading! Very anti-abortion and a lot of shameful language on the website.
- Surrendering the Secret - At first glance, this looks like a great supportive, religious post-abortion Bible Study. And while some of the material is wonderful for those looking for a Christian perspective, the video they give as an overview concerns me. The woman who started the group states that she wants post-abortive women to “use their stories to tell people the horrible truth about abortion.” I’m hesitant to call this a safe space.
- Forgiven and Set Free - They say that abortion is “the rape you consented to.” Do not touch that place with a 50 ft pole.
If you have additional information for this post, please let me know.
Recently noticed several unsafe places being promoted as good post-abortion counseling, and thought I would bring this post back. I’ve added a few things to the unsafe list.
We have a dance in the brothels of Buenos Aires. It tells the story of the prostitute and a man who falls in love with her. First, there is desire. Then, passion. Then, suspicion. Jealousy. Anger. Betrayal. When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no love. Jealousy, yes, jealousy will drive you mad.
DO NOT GET PEOPLES PERSONALITIES MIXED UP WITH THEIR ATTITUDE. THEIR PERSONALITY IS WHO THEY ARE, THEIR ATTITUDE DEPENDS WHO YOU ARE
An activity I’m pretty excited about doing involves making flashcards of all the steps of putting on a condom and having people put them in order. It just sounds really fun! Here are the steps they list:
(Well ahead of time)
1 Discuss safe sex with your partner.
2 Buy condoms (and lubricant, if desired) or find a clinic or other community center that gives them away for free.
3 keep your condoms in a dry, cool place (not a wallet).
4 Check the expiration date of the condom and be sure the date has not passed.
5 Practice putting on a condom, so that you are comfortable using it later.
(Immediately before sex)
6 engage in foreplay. Foreplay, including touching the clitoris, may help lubricate the vagina.
7 open the condom gently, being careful not to tear it (don’t use your teeth!).
8 When the penis is erect start to unroll the condom to make sure it’s going the right way then squeeze tip of condom and place condom on the head of the penis.
9 hold the tip of the condom and unroll it until the penis is completely covered.
10 if the vagina still seems dry, engage in more foreplay, or wet the outside of the condom with a water-based or silicone based lubricant. never use Vaseline® or other oil-based products,because they can cause a condom to weaken and tear and cause infection.
11 if the condom breaks, one should pull out immediately. [You may wish to remind students about emergency contraception if ejaculation already occurred.]
12 after ejaculation, while penis is still erect …
13 Grasp the open end of the condom, at the base of the penis.
(Immediately after sex)
14 holding condom at the base of the penis, gently pull the penis out
15 Carefully remove condom without spilling any semen by holding the rim of the condom.
16 tie up condom or roll it in toilet paper and dispose of it properly.
Anything left out?
What do y’all think of this activity?