All He Ever Needed (Shannon Stacey)
|—||Derek Shepherd - Grey’s Anatomy|
1. They can’t be trusted. No matter what you say, they’ll turn the situation round so they seem like they’re a victim, and have been unfairly judged.
2. They leave you feeling crazy, or mixed up and confused. They’ll twist your words and motives so you feel misunderstood - and they rationalize their actions so you seem unreasonable.
3. They’re great at making you feel guilty or “bad”. Nothing you can do or say is ever right to them. No matter what you try, you know it always will be wrong.
4. They are passive aggressive. They’ll smile to your face and they’ll stab you in the back … and they’ll gladly talk about you … and pass along mean gossip.
5. They have the ability to manipulate the emotional climate in a group. So, if they’re feeling happy, and life is going well, they’re the life of the party and everyone must smile. But when their life is tough then they’ll moan, groan and complain … and they’ll make sure everybody feels miserable as well.
6. They are self-absorbed and a law unto themselves. Life is always by their rules - and everything revolves round them. They’re not accountable - and they will always please themselves.
|—||Dagmara Dominczyk,(Mercedes) - The Count of Monte Cristo (via queenofdenial)|
|—||Justin Chambers,(Massimo) - The Wedding Planner (via queenofdenial)|
Generally speaking you should be yourself and be able to say whatever you want when you’re in a relationship. But exercise caution and never find yourself uttering these lines if you don’t want to end up in the doghouse:
1. “My ex always used to do __________”. They don’t want to hear about how your ex used to cook for you all the time. Or how they worked out every day. Or anything about them at all, really.
2. “You’re like a brother/sister to me”. Major romance killer. You are not siblings, so steer clear of any familial comparisons.
3. “Why can’t you be more like ________?” Don’t compare your partner to someone else or expect him or her to live up to someone else’s standards. No one wants to hear that you think someone else is doing something better than they are.
|—||Meredith Grey - Grey’s Anatomy|
|—||Dr. Wyatt - Grey’s Anatomy|
Holding vs grabbing relationships.
There is you, your partner, and the relationship. Three separate pieces. Most don’t see three pieces. They see two, them and their significant other. That’s it. With this mindset, the focus is only on them and the partner. It’s a dyad, which can easily become a tug of war. When we are unaware of the relationship as it’s own separate piece, it’s easy to just grab and pull the rope. Taking, wanting, controlling, manipulating, desperately trying to mold the person into our idea. Since there’s just two of us, it’s easy to see it as a game of win or lose. The by product of this behavior is what I call “grabbing” the relationship.
If we see the relationship as a separate identity, one that we truly care about, it becomes a system. Now there’s another element at stake, something that’s greater than the parts (you and him/ her). With this mindset, it’s easier to hold instead of grab. Holding means to support, embrace, respect, wanting the best for the relationship and doing everything within your power to make that happen. It’s our mindset with our children. We consider their needs before ours and will gladly sacrifice our own needs to give them what they need to grow and prosper.
If we see our relationship as a separate identity, like our children, we will give our partner more space. We will let go. We will stop trying to control. We will respect. We will drop the rope because there’s something bigger at stake, the relationship.
If you changed your mindset to holding your relationship instead of grabbing it, what would that look like? How would that manifest in the way you treat your partner?
Imagine if everyone had this mindset.
|—||Catherynne M. Valente (Palimpsest)|
Dr. Cox: Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever — gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, ‘cause I do.. believe in it. Bottom line.. is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don’t let it take ‘em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it’s right, and they’re real lucky. One of them will say something.
Scrubs 1.15 - “My Bed Banter & Beyond”
I will always reblog this, one of my fave eps and quotes.